I’ve been up a lot of late nights, insomnia, anxiety, worrying, it just runs in my blood. I come from a line of worriers. Having Lyme Disease just makes it about 10 times worse sometimes.
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a blog, a lot has been going on in my life the past few months, a lot of good things, a lot of things that have needed to happen. I’m hoping that as I continue my journey to recovery or as I’d like to call it surviving Lyme Disease, I’d like to continue being able to post what has been going on these past few months as well as what my future holds in all of this. It’s hard sometimes, especially at nights, I can’t sleep, I can’t think properly, and sometimes I’m overwhelmed with my life and I don’t want to have to take a Xanax just to be able to think clearly and feel normal. The thoughts in my head, the anxiety that creeps in trying to overcome everything that I would normally be fine with, it’s all gone sometimes; my own thoughts. It’s like my brain just automatically sends messages to make things worse, and I can’t control it, not on my own.
I can say that in the past 2 years that I’ve had Lyme Disease, I’ve been feeling my best these past 4 months or so. Not 100%, but better than the first 18 months. I at least can control some symptoms, but it’s not over yet, though I’m hoping one day soon it will be. I went off of all the medications my doctor had prescribed to me, antibiotics, anti fungals, thyroid medications, all of it, except for what helps me keep my sanity and help me fall asleep. My doctor told me I would feel good for 2-4 weeks and after that I should return for treatment, that would get worse, and 7 weeks after I stopped everything I don’t feel an ounce different from the day I stopped or for that matter the last 4 ½ months.
Let me back track a little to give you my reasons why I stopped taking the meds and taking the bs from my doctor. I felt like I was being controlled by a disease that shouldn’t be controlling me. I would get sick of the medications and I felt worse being on them in the first place. After a month or so of being on them, I plateaued and have felt the same ever since if not better. I realized I didn’t want a disease to continue controlling my life, I don’t know what God has in store for me in my future, but I know that this is not the life He intended me to live.
In the 5 months I was on antibiotics, I had 10 teeth that were diseased with tooth decay, so bad that I had to get major dental work done. I haven’t had a cavity since I was 18, and in 5 months for me to go from having a perfectly normal healthy mouth to 10 cavities was a wake up call on the treatment I was receiving. I’m not saying that I won’t go back to treatment, I will, but my little life that I have here in Northern California is coming to an end and a new life for me is starting very soon in another part of the country where I know I will be well taken care of and God will direct me in the hands of a very gifted and highly educated doctor in Lyme Disease.
I have gotten to the point where I can function daily at the level where I’m at. I can hold down a job, have a social life, be able to get back to a semi normal active life style. The arthritis in my knees has never stopped me from doing the things I love, and I’m not going to let this disease continue to stop me from doing what I meant to do. I was given a life, a life to be lived to the fullest, which I never really realized until I got sick. I’ve lived a good life the first 25 years of it, and I hoping that the next 25 will be even better. I know God has got amazing plans for me, I just can’t wait to see what they are, but for now, I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago. I’m literally moving on with my life and seeing what new chapter is in store for me.
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