new symptoms

Is been almost 3 years since my lyme disease started. In that time I went through horrible pain, insomnia, anxiety, thinking I was going crazy.

Now that I've been in texas for almost 9 months and have been working at my job for the last 8 months,  I've been going through a lot; a lot a good things a lot of stress; a lot of different things. I've met some incredible people and I'm really thankful for the doctor and I have. Since it's been 3 years I thought, I thought things were getting better, and I'm not going to lie they have. These past 6 months I've been seeing a doctor, one whom I really really love, my job is going great I couldn't ask for anything better. But as lyme disease is and  anyone else knows how lyme disease goes, this battle is not over.

At first I thought I had a sinus infection hoping it would go away like everything else. It got worse, I saw the doctor and she changed my antibiotics. I've been experiencing numbness in my feet numbness in my hands numbness in my lips. My anxiety, though I have control still feels like its bubbling up inside of me and I can't control it , especially at night when I can't sleep, my insomnia kicks in my paranoia stirs. I'm hoping being on the antibotics long enough, the symptoms will go away. But I'm still fighter no matter what I'm not giving up.

My identity

It's been a good 6 months since my last post. I had plans to move, make a new life and start a fresh, I can say that I did all of those things and I sit here tonight, writing, trying to take it all in, all that has happened over the 5 months that I have moved and started over.

One thing is for sure, my Lyme is still here, with me. I found a doctor, within the past few months and it's been great but tonight, today, was just one of those days where I just felt lost, felt homesick, felt like I'm losing myself to everything around me. I'm so grateful for this move and change in my life, I honestly believe God has me exactly where He wants me to be, and I know that the "Will of God will not take me where the Grace of God will not protect me."

Today has been a hard day, I feel like my illness, has become a part of my identity, of who I am, and I don't want it to be because I don't know what's going to happen with it. I have no idea if I will ever get over this, or if this is something I will learn to "deal with" the rest of my life. Nights and days like these, where I am overwhelmed by the stress and anxiety of it all, I pray that God would show me a way out, show me how to get rid of this horrible thorn in my side that day in and day out gnaws at me.  My days like these are rare, and far and few in between, but when I have them I'm lost. I feel like a fish out of water and I don't know what to do other than pray, and ask God to heal me or help me with this burden I carry.

I have always been such a strong willed individual, but this breaks me down to the core and I get scared. I know tomorrow is another day, another different day that will bring me new challenges and new hope, but for tonight, I feel as if the weight of the world is on me, and all I can do is call out to God and ask Him to comfort me in times like these.